DEAR ABBY: I love my husband but I’m tired of being a second-class citizen in my home.
It started when we bought a friend a van. We’ve talked about various things we could do with it — fix it up a bit and sell it or use it for vacations — but at one point it was suggested that we let my ex, “Paul,” buy it from us because he’s homeless and decides to let everyone else take care of him.
The caravan is now repaired. Paul lost his job and now lives in the van – in my driveway. Problem is, he’s not staying in the van. It crashes on my couch, uses up my electricity, water, etc. and is now eating my food.
I have told my husband that this is not healthy for my mental wellbeing.
My husband and I have our own business and Paul is now part of it. My husband says he could use the help and Paul is getting money for the move. The only problem with this is that my ex doesn’t use the money for bills – he squanders it on junk he doesn’t need.
I’m tired of raising a 41 year old adult male. Help!
UP IN OKLAHOMA FED
LOVE FED UP: You are not a second-class citizen. This arrangement seems crazy.
Because it’s affecting your marriage, tell your husband that the situation is affecting your sanity and insist on a deadline by which Paul will be there. Guests, like fish, start to stink after three days, and Paul far exceeded that. He has a van, so whether or not he’s saved up enough for his own apartment, he won’t be homeless.
Your sanity is more important than your husband having an extra hand in the business.
DEAR ABBY: One of my creative friends has written a book and another has made a music CD. I was asked to read or listen to these creations and submit an online review.
The book was written about a very rough divorce, and my “girlfriend” described her ex with some gossip (and horrible) information that I knew wasn’t true. She put all the blame on her ex when it was she who committed adultery (a fact she conveniently left out of the book). I didn’t like the music CD either – my boyfriend can’t sing.
How do I handle these review requests? So far I just haven’t left a review because I’m not going to lie or give a bad one. But what do I say when they ask?
DEAR CRITIC: Tell your author friend that while she is a talented writer, you don’t feel comfortable supporting her book because it will be used as a weapon to make her ex-husband look bad. Point out that if her book is successful, he could retaliate by suing her for defamation, and you don’t want any part of it.
As for your musician friend, all you have to say about the CD is that “it is clear that the singer has music in his soul”.
If asked to write a review in the future, decline by indicating that you cannot provide an unbiased review because you are a friend. Period.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.